Personal Prose
I haven’t posted recently because I’ve been obsessed with writing my second novel (more on that soon). I need to say how really challenging it is to do the needed research, park myself in a chair for long hours on a daily basis, and know just how bad my first draft is. But that’s a writer’s reality.
I was thinking about why I do this. I have always written, and always wanted to write a book. I have an academic manuscript sitting in a box in my garage. I gave up after getting several rejections — how naive I was back in the 90s. But I didn’t really want to write academic books. I wanted to write novels. But I couldn’t think of a plot.
After struggling with this for several years, I finally decided that maybe it was time for me to focus my energies in a direction that was more fruitful. Then, sitting in Quaker Meeting one Sunday, I had an idea. How would God speak to the human race? Through computers? Phone lines? No, I decided, it would be the way it had been done before — through writing on rocks.
That led me to develop a short story idea, and I went away for a three day solo retreat to write the story. I worked diligently on the idea, and just before leaving the retreat, I sat outside and enjoyed the warm spring air and trickling brook. I was pleased with my story and mulling about where I would submit it. Then I heard a voice inside me, saying … “This is too big for a story. It needs to be a book.”
I was startled, not sure whether I was hearing from God or my own inner voice. Regardless, I responded, “But I don’t know how to write a book.” The answer: “You’d better get started, then.”
I was speechless, and overwhelmed. But I couldn’t ignore this strong voice telling me to turn the story idea into a book. So I did. I got started, learning to write fiction, learning about story arcs, about dialogue, about using setting as a character, chapter lengths. You get the idea. It was a huge undertaking, and took me three years and eight drafts, as well as a stint wih a developmental editor. But the book is finished now, and you can read the first chapters on my web site.
But I haven’t been able to find an agent or publisher, as yet. So I decided, rather than continuing to struggle, to move on. And here I am, learning with every word I write, and loving it (also hating it, wondering why I ever got myself into this thankless profession as I struggle to find the right words). Still, I wouldn’t be any other place, or doing any other thing. That conversation with a higher power changed the course of my life.
I find myself wondering if other people have had experiences that changed their lives, especially as regards to writing. Please let me know, okay?
Posted in Writing | No Comments » | March 19th, 2010
Yesterday was the 21st day of the diet I started earlier in the month, and the end of my commitment to it. So this will be my last post regarding weight loss. Time to reflect on what I’ve gained (or lost) from this project.
I lost only four pounds, and I had hoped to lose more. I did follow the eating plan, except for the day a week we had “off.” Four pounds is four pounds, though — better than I have done on other diets, so I’m not completely discouraged. The eating plan is a good one. Mostly vegetables, raw or cooked, and the meal plans were delicious. I will follow it, maybe not quite as religiously as I did for three weeks.
I’ve learned that I’m sensitive to wheat. Having a clean system without dairy, soy, or gluten, I discovered that my morning congestion is gone. I haven’t taken an antihistimine since the diet started, and it’s a wonderful feeling to — pardon me — have no postnasal drip. Reinstituting my morning raisin bran brought on congestion, itching of my throat, and a generalized yukky feeling. So the raisin bran went into the trash, and I won’t have it again. Sad, but real. I’d rather have a clear throat than the joy of eating wheat. Oh, well.
My stomach hurt much of the time, probably because I ate larger portions than before. In an effort to stave off feeling deprived, I think I overate. Maybe that’s why my weight loss wasn’t what I’d hoped. Anyway, now I can eat more intuitively instead of following menu plans, and hopefully return my digestion to what it was before the diet.
I’m proud, though, that I followed through with my commitment. I now know not to mix protein and starch at the same meal, to eat closer to the earth, to let go of dairy and gluten (not sure about soy yet), and to cook with coconut oil. I have enjoyed many new recipes that will be an ongoing part of my diet and experimented with foods that I wouldn’t normally eat. So, all in all, it was a good experience, and I will incorporate much of it in my regular eating plan. Hopefully, I’ll continue to lose the extra weight, or at least feel that I am doing my best, and accept myself with the extra pounds.
Next, I’ll talk more about writing. Lots of good ideas for those of you who want to write the stories of your life!
Posted in Weight loss | No Comments » | January 28th, 2010
I’m cranky today. My stomach hurts, probably from all the different foods I’ve been eating. I don’t have much energy. Oh yes, I’ve lost three pounds in the past week, and I’ll continue with the eating plan. But I’m reminded that this is a real change in my eating, and it’s going to take a while until my body adjusts. I guess this is when many people quit a diet, when it gets hard. The enthusiasm for cooking new foods is over and I want to get back to my life, where I know what to eat and don’t have to consult a daily list of menus. But I made a commitment to do this for 21 days, and I resolved to have a massage when I’ve lost another 1.5 pounds. Ooh, I can feel that massage oil being massaged into my tired muscles!
Fortunately, we get a day a week “off” every week from the diet, when we can eat anything we want. That’s today. When I heard about that I thought “Oh, no, not me. I will continue on as hard as I can. I won’t need any days off.” But I do. Today I had my lovely raisin bran for breakfast instead of steamed veggies and an egg. It was heavenly! And after the appropriate lunch (soup, salad, and salmon), I blissfully enjoyed two — count ‘em, two — small pieces of dark chocolate. Funny, it was all the rebellion I needed. We are going out to dinner tonight, and I’m considering having a glass of chardonnay. But I’ll decide at the time, and I suspect I’ll eat lightly and appropriately. After all, I really do like my new way of eating. But I’m eagerly awaiting having someone serve me food instead of having to cook it myself.
By the way, does anybody reading this have comments for me? Have you succeeded in losing weight on a diet? What helped? What got you through the process? If you failed, have you considered what went wrong? Any suggestions for me?
Posted in Writing | 1 Comment » | January 13th, 2010
“If you want to lose weight, add more oil.” “Coconut oil is the best kind of oil to cook with.” “Saturated fats are required for the nervous system to function properly.”
These are just a few of the mind-blowing ideas that were tossed out during our marathon, five-hour class yesterday. Three hours of lecture and two hours of cooking class. Both were fascinating. I took notes as fast as my fingers could fly across the paper, and felt like my mind had expanded so much it would fill the room. Everything I thought I knew about proper ways of eating was turned on its head, but with good research support and theory behind it. And it makes good sense, more than the low-fat, high carbohydrate diet that I’ve slowly gained weight on for the past umpteen years.
So, I’m a convert to Charley Cropley’s way of eating. I buy it. So far I’ve lost about a half pound every day, and other than feeling overly full quite often, I’m doing fine. Charley has dedicated his career for the past 30 years to teaching people how to eat themselves healthy. And the food is fantastic. I do still miss my carbos, though, and the people who are having to stop caffeine are struggling. Thankfully, I stopped that years ago.
Posted in Writing | No Comments » | January 11th, 2010
Any dieter has to deal with the biggest bugaboo — deprivation. One can’t diet while at the same time eating the same way as before, hence the need to deprive oneself of something one really wants. In my case, chocolate and other carbs. But what’s the point, if you don’t have the self-control to succeed on the diet? Might as well just continue eating as before and feel smug that you haven’t failed at anything recently.
OK, I’ve deprived myself of some things. But I’ve been overeating the things that are allowed, and feeling full all the time. This came about mostly because I heard a woman at the class talk about how she had done this class before and was hungry all the time. I resolved not to be hungry, so I’ve chowed down on steamed veggies, coleslaw, Asian vegetable soup, and so on. Believe me, it’s been plenty to eat, actually more than I ate before I started to diet. Last night I was so full that I felt like I’d just eaten Thanksgiving dinner — had to waddle to the couch and lie down for the evening. Not what I had in mind.
Yes, I’ve lost a pound since this started, but today I’m having to deal straightforwardly with the idea of deprivation. It’s why most people don’t succeed on diets, because they can’t stand the feeling of deprivation. So I decided to eat more reasonable portions today. And, guess what, a little hunger actually feels better than being stuffed. Onward!
Posted in Writing | No Comments » | January 9th, 2010
I made it through the first day of the — agh! — diet. Actually without too much trouble, after I had an apple. Something about fruit that makes life worth living. I didn’t make it through South Beach and Atkins because they didn’t allow fruit. I checked this out before I began this new eating plan, and I think I can handle it. Really, what harm is a little Granny Smith apple, in the long run? None, especially if it keeps you from eating chocolate, which it did me.
I wonder how the other 140 people in the class are handling this. The second class is on Sunday, and I’ll find out. There’s actually more to the class than following an eating plan. This is a mind-body-spirit class. The diet is the eating part. The mind part involves journaling, which I decided to do on my blog instead of in my journal. The spirit part is moving regularly. I committed to doing some form of movement every day for 20 minutes. So far, so good.
The second day hasn’t been quite as hard as the first, so far.
Posted in Writing | 1 Comment » | January 8th, 2010
Is it too late to wish everyone a happy new year? By now you’ve probably made your resolutions and broken at least half of them. What is it about this time of year — such good intentions, such lousy follow-through?
I’ve decided to do something about that and take a weight-loss class. This is in Boulder, run by Charley Cropley, called “Food is Your Best Medicine.” It involves four class sessions over a month, and 21 days of a weight loss program. So I decided to write about my experiences with the program instead of writing about writing, at least for the next 21 days.
Today is Day 1. The first class was on Tuesday evening, and we had to buy $100 worth of food — mostly veggies, but a little meat, and NO carbs! — and we had a day to gorge ourselves on our favorite foods before beginning the program today. So yesterday, while I was cooking for literally hours to be prepared for today, I gobbled chocolate and drank a half bottle of wine. It was my last time for 21 days to have these delicacies, and I am determined to succeed.
Today has gone well so far. Breakfast was two poached eggs and steamed veggies. I have to tell you that I have never in my life eaten steamed veggies for breakfast. But it was delicious. Lunch was beef stew and coleslaw. Good enough, but not very satisfying. I needed carbs! Chocolate, bread, cookies — anything but that food that was oh so good for me. I ended up eating strawberries and almonds, which were on the approved list, and I’m doing ok so far.
Stay tuned to see how my resolution to lose weight follows through. Will I make it? What are your experiences with weight loss programs?
Posted in Writing | No Comments » | January 7th, 2010
“Nice to meet you. What do you do?”
“I’m a writer. What about you?”
“I’m a _________. Writer, eh? I’ve always wanted to write a book. Can I tell you my idea?”
This is the way the conversation goes three out of four times when I meet someone new. It seems that everybody wants to write a book. Whether they read books or not. Whether they have ever written a word beyond signing their names. The uninitiated consider writing to be so easy that they could write a best-seller if they only had the time.
I want to sigh, and then scream, “It’s not as easy as you think!” But I listen politely and encourage them to sit themselves down in a chair and write what’s in their minds. We both know it’s not likely they will do it, but for a time they amuse themselves that they really will. Someday.
This blog is for those of you who really do want to write. I’m officially encouraging you.
Posted in Writing | 1 Comment » | December 2nd, 2009
